Endicott Mayor Colella recently issued a memo calling for the village to cut spending on equipment and supplies. The Mayor says he want enough money to finish the year in order to avoid a cash flow.

TOP 5 EQUIPMENT AND SUPPLIES EXPENSES CUT BY ENDICOTT MAYOR MICHAEL COLELLA

5)During Village Board meetings, Trustees must now supply their own objects for throwing at each other
4)You break the chisel for your stone tablet, you bought it!!!
3)Village will now use a cheaper grade of red tape
2)Must conserve use of white out when changing the golf course books

AND THE #1 EQUIPMENT AND SUPPLY EXPENSE CUT BY ENDICOTT MAYOR MICHAEL COLELLA

Village must now buy fake emeralds for Mayoral throne

TOP 5 THINGS CHANNEL 34 EMPLOYEES DO TO PASS THE TIME ON A SLOW NEWS DAY

5)Replace Steve Craig's Hairspray with Neat Hair Remover
4)Call Doug Drazen and ask him if his Bucci's running
3)Play Pin the Tail on Greg Catlin's Face
2)Set off Steve Princiavelli's Weather Alert Alarm everytime he goes to take a leak

AND THE #1 THING CHANNEL 34 EMPLOYEES DO TO PASS THE TIME ON A SLOW NEWS DAY

Practice saying the name Damon Mikalizzi until no one gets hurt! 

The Anitec Water Tower came tumbling down earlier this year, as the city of Binghamton clears the 33 acre Anitec site.

TOP 5 THINGS WE'LL MISS ABOUT THE ANITEC WATER TOWER

5)From Route 17, there's nothing to hinder view of that pesky South Mountain
4)Tower was a perfect match for dalapidating railroad overpass over Jarvis Street
3)First Philadelphia Sales Warehouses, now the Water Tower, what's next...the City's Public Works Garage?
2)Drat! Now we'll never keep those property values down!

AND THE #1 THING WE'LL MISS ABOUT THE ANITEC WATER TOWER

Now there's nothing to divert our attention on Eastbound 17 before crashing into guardrail at Kamakazi Curve

Community Watchdog Steve Garlock has been shaking things up at Binghamton City Council meetings lately.  Garlock was featured on the front page of the Press and Sun-Bulletin holding the sign "When Logic Is Your Enemy".  Garlock is one of many watchdogs who are making Binghamton's televised city council meetings a three-ring circus and "Must-See-TV" 

TOP 5 SIGNS BEING HELD UP BY COMMUNITY WATCHDOG STEVE GARLOCK DURING TELEVISED BINGHAMTON CITY COUNCIL MEETINGS

5)Will work for food
4)Free Doug Drazen
3)Call Steve That DJ Guy at 754-STEVE
2)You're watching Binghamton City Council's public meeting on Public Access Channel 6

AND THE #1 SIGN BEING HELD UP BY COMMUNITY WATCHDOG STEVE GARLOCK DURING TELEVISED BINGHAMTON CITY COUNCIL MEETINGS

King Is a Fink!!!

TOP 5 WAYS TO SPOT A GIANTS FAN THE MORNING AFTER THE SUPER BOWL

5)The following Monday, New York banks were reporting record loans
4)Unable to curb uncontrollable anger towards guys named Trent
3)They're still showing Baltimore fans that they're number one, oh wait that's not the #1 finger
2)Starts crying like a baby when reading Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven"

AND THE #1 WAY TO SPOT A GIANTS FAN

They're still looking blue despite the fact the face paint has long faded

TOP 5 MISCONSTRUED NAMES FOR THE BALTIMORE RAVENS

5)Baltimore Colts
4)Baltimore Girlymen
3)Baltimore Losers
2)Baltimore "pick up and leave Baltimore in the middle of the night just like the Colts did if I don't get my demands" Ravens

AND THE #1 MISCONSTRUED NAME FOR THE BALTIMORE RAVENS

Cleveland Browns

There's word that the B-Mets are in talks with NYSEG about re-nameing Municipal Stadium the more corporate NYSEG Stadium

THE TOP 5 FUTURE CORPORATE SPONSOR VENUE NAMES

5)The Goo Gone Pavillion
4)The Adirondack Soda Arena
3)The Zesta Cracker Center for Performing Arts
2)Neosporin Ampitheatre

AND THE #1 FUTURE CORPORATE SPONSOR VENUE NAME

Hillshire Farm Keilbasa Colliseum

Due to it's botched experiment with deregulation, California has been cutting off power to hundreds of thousands of people during it's rolling blackouts. The outages have been darkening supermarkets and traffic lights as well as knocking TV and radio stations off the air.

TOP 5 WAYS CALIFORNIA'S ROLLING BLACKOUTS CAN HAVE A POSITIVE AFFECT

5)Robbers need not worry about those pesky burglar alarms
4)Air conditioning is over-rated
3)Purposely blackout power during the hour they tape that TV show "Two Guys and a Girl"
2)No more freezer burn!!!

AND THE #1 WAY CALIFORNIA'S ROLLING BLACKOUTS CAN HAVE A POSITIVE AFFECT

A quill pen under the glowing light of a torch has always been the best inspiration for Jay Leno's jokes!!!

TOP 5 PROBLEMS IF A POWER SUPPLY SHORTAGE HITS UPSTATE NEW YORK

5)Bill Clinton will have nothing to do around the house, have to go lurking again
4)Fox 40 will have to resort to gas powered generator to jump start Weatherguy Mick Dwyer
3)Binghamton City Council will be even MORE in the dark
2)Vestal Parkway commuters will be able to travel from one end to the other in record time and we can't have that!

AND THE #1 PROBLEM IF A POWER SUPPLY SHORTAGE HITS UPSTATE NEW YORK

How will we light up night time ball games at the NYSEG Stadium

TOP 5 REJECTED ITEMS FOR GOVERNOR PATAKI'S PROPOSED STATE BUDGET

5)Asks Legislature to enact a county tax-relief program to benefit guys named Lou
4)Building a $1.9 million dollar rest stop...on the Kamakaze Curve
3)Proposes 19 percent spending increase to find out why Congressman Maurice Hinchey's hair never moves
2)Calls on Legislature to let New York enter multi-state lottery games like Powerball, Quickdraw and Chuck's Football pool

AND THE #1 REJECTED ITEM FOR GOVERNOR PATAKI'S PROPOSED STATE BUDGET

Take $1.4 billion budget surplus and place in interest bearing swiss account marked George's Mad Money!!!

TOP 5 REJECTED JESSE VENTURA BETTING WAGERS IF THE GIANTS BEAT MINNESOTA

5)Head up the Governor's secret covert plan: Operation Raven Splat
4)Appear at Ultimate Fishing Derby on Ogandaga Lake and catch fish using only his teeth
3)Put State Comptroller H. Carl McCall in a head lock til he cries like a girl
2)Show State Senate who's got a REAL filibuster

AND THE #1 REJECTED JESSE VENTURA BETTING WAGER IF THE GIANTS BEAT THE VIKINGS

Take Democratic State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver and kick his scrawney little ***!

TOP 5 NEW SLOGANS FOR THE AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

5)You've Got Cable!
4)You've Got Rate Increase!
3)You've Got Bill Gates by the you-know-what!
2)You've Got AT&T on line 2!

AND THE #1 NEW SLOGAN FOR THE AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

You've Got Monopoly!

TOP 5 JOB OFFERS ON THE TABLE FOR PRESIDENT CLINTON AFTER HE LEAVES THE OVAL OFFICE

5)Male Prostitute
4)Executive Producer of Fox's "Temptation Island"
3)White House dot com...the other White House dot com
2)Fox 40 Weatherguy Mick Dwyer's full-time drinking buddy

AND THE #1 JOB OFFER ON THE TABLE FOR PRESIDENT CLINTON AFTER HE LEAVES THE OVAL OFFICE

Continue to help Hillary run the country

TOP 5 SIGNS IT'S WINTER IN THE TWIN TIERS

5)People are now attending Endicott Village Board Meetings just to keep warm
4)Ross Park Zoo Director Steve Contento now getting constantly mauled by the penguins
3)Johnson City Police cover up the scenic sunroof in the ceiling of their police station...wait the JC station doesn't have a sunroof
2)FOX 40 Weather Guy Mick Dwyer doubles up on his intake of anti-freeze

AND THE #1 SIGN IT'S WINTER IN THE TWIN TIERS

The ceremonial "Removal of the Concrete Construction Barriers" 

TOP 5 REJECTED STORES FOR THE OLD MCCRORY'S BUILDING

5)Captain Whitney's Crappie Emporium
4)Binghamton/Johnson City Sewage Plant Gift Shop
3)Just Tape Dispensers
2)Kathy Lee's Sweat Shop

AND THE #1 REJECTED STORE FOR THE OLD MCCRORY'S BUILDING

Hillary's House of Stuff found hidden in Bubba's Sock Drawer

Congratulations to Charlie Baran and David Quick, both selected BC Transit's first "Drivers of the Year".  The two each received personalized Transit busses bearing their names

TOP 5 REASONS WHY BC JUNCTION IS BETTER SUITED FOR HAWLEY STREET AS OPPOSED TO COURT STREET

5)No hanging plants to be killed by bus fumes
4)Buses no longer boxing in illegally parked cars
3)People on a diet will no longer be tempted by sandwich shops and pizza joints
2)No longer a constant reminder that Thunder Reynolds is not on the Binghamton Walk of Stars

AND THE #1 REASON WHY BC JUNCTION IS BETTER SUITED FOR HAWLEY STREET AS OPPOSED TO COURT STREET

One stop drop off in front of County Traffic Court, so you can get your license back!

Tuesday, January 10th former fashion designer, Mr. Blackwell came out with his "Worst-Dressed List of 2000".  Topping the list was Britney Spears, or as Blackwell said it, "Oops! She did it again!".  Also on the list were Angelina Jolie ("Fashion Interrupted") and Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris ("The pretty, brassy lassie from Tallahassee needs cosmetic direction").  Well here's my Dawn Patrol list...

TOP 5 THINGS I'D LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN TO MR. BLACKWELL

5)Lock him in a Salvation Army Thrift Store and not let him out until he's bought a leisure suit
4)Force him to watch and listen to Britney Spears until he retracts his statement
3)Mr. Blackwell vs. Joan Rivers on Celebrity Deathmatch (and I'm not talking the clay-mation)
2)Send him on a shopping spree with Don Morgan

AND THE #1 THING I'D LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN TO MR. BLACKWELL

Put him in front of a mirror and tell him to take a look!!!

TOP 5 NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

5)I resolve not to ring Mayor Bucci’s doorbell, make a run for it and blame Doug Drazen
4)I resolve to stop carelessly driving the JC Circle in the wrong direction
3)I resolve not to gesture "quotation marks" when making references to the General Manager
2)I resolve not to make anymore jokes about Mayor Harry’s age, false teeth or the fact that he drives an Edsal propped up on telephone books so that he can see over the dash.

AND MY #1 NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

I resolve to break everyone of them before the end of the week!!!

TOP 5 SIDE EFFECTS OF THE FLU

5)E-Collel-i bacteria
4)A swollen Pataki
3)A really bad Wacket cough
2)Arafat Scratch Fever

AND THE #1 SIDE EFFECT OF THE FLU

You don't think this list is funny!!!

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS ITEMS THAT JUST AREN'T SELLING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

5)Pepper Spray Gift Set for Holiday Family Dinners
4)Hickory Farms Mad Cow Beef Stick Set
3)One-armed shop teacher doll
2)From the makers of Soap-On-A-Rope---It's Meatloaf-On-A-String

AND THE #1 CHRISTMAS ITEM THAT JUST ISN'T SELLING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

Baby's First Catapult

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THAT LOCAL CELEBRITIES ARE WISHING FOR

5)Binghamton Mayor Bucci being presented with a key to the city's padlocks
4)Endicott Mayor Michael Colella's new set of earplugs and a protective golfing helmet
3)Assemblyman Jay Dinga wants about 4 more inches so he can beat the crap out of Steve from the Dawn Patrol for all those short jokes
2)FOX 40 Weatherguy Mick Dwyer's 8 single maids-a-milking all blonde, built and under the age of 25

AND THE #1 CHRISTMAS PRESENT THAT LOCAL CELEBRITIES ARE WISHING FOR

Mayor Harry Lewis's two front teeth...wait all of his teeth

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS DISEASES

5)Chronic Holly-tosis
4)Santaburkulosis
3)Mistle Toe Jam
2)Egg nogsia

AND THE #1 CHRISTMAS DISEASE

Elf heimers

New York's Senator-Elect Hillary Rodham Clinton has a new book about her life as First Lady called "An Invitation to the White House, At Home with History".

TOP 5 REJECTED NAMES FOR THE NEW HILLARY BOOK


5)An Invitation to the White House, Don't Mess It Up During My Leave of Absense
4)Has Anybody Seen My Stolen Election Signs
3)I'm Hillary and You Got Beat Up By A Girl
2)Curious George and the Stupid Florida Electorate

AND THE #1 REJECTED NAME FOR THE NEW HILLARY BOOK

See Bill Lie. Lie Bill Lie!

Former Binghamton University student and former "Survivor" castaway, Sean Kenniff was at BU's Anderson Center to discuss his experience on the island

TOP 5 LOCAL SPOTS YOU MAY FIND SURVIVOR'S SEAN KENNIFF

5)Downtown abandoned buildings have rats! Those wonderful rats!!!
4)Philly Sales parking lot comes close to that feeling of deserted island
3)Endicott Village Board meetings have become very attractive since Frank Palmisano got voted off the island
2)Look it's Rudy...oh I'm sorry Mayor Lewis

AND THE #1 LOCAL SPOT YOU MAY FIND SURVIVOR'S SEAN KENNIFF

anyplace that doesn't cater to naked fat guys!!!

TOP 5 WAYS THE TWIN TIERS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF SEAN KENNIFF WERE IN CHARGE:

5)Midtown Mall would become a harvest plantation for rats
4)Solve Binghamton City Council's alliance problems with the Alphabet Strategy
3)Would hire Rudy as Mayor Harry Lewis's stunt double
2)Last Endicott Village Trustee Democrat to survive Mayor Mike Colella wins a Million Dollars

AND THE #1 WAY THE TWIN TIERS WOULD BE DIFFERENCT IF SEAN KENNEFF WERE IN CHARGE

Bad drivers in Johnson City would be voted off the circl

TOP 5 BAD WAYS TO CAMPAIGN

5)Shave your name on your head...your name Jessi Ventura
4)Setting up a series of campaign signs on the Kamakazi Curve
3)Bring up your opponent's tryst with another man in a hotel room...and you were the other man
2)Tell supporters that you invented the internet when really you and your wife were just mere prototypes the movie "Love Story"

AND THE #1 BAD WAY TO CAMPAIGN

Run on the platform of legalizing the stealing of campaign signs

TOP 5 TOUGH THINGS ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC OFFICE

5)Can't enjoy a quiet evening at Madame Oars
4)Miss paying taxes for 5 years and everybody makes a federal case
3)Dating women outside your marriage is not supposed to be a pain in the butt
2)One little argument with a golf course and your labeled calculating and devious

AND THE #1 TOUGH THING ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC OFFICE

Mr. Mayor, it's that Steve guy on line 1...something about co-hosting a morning show

TOP 5 POLITICAL CANDIDATES I GOT CONFUSED WITH NON-PERISHABLE FOOD ITEMS

5)George W. Bush Baked Bean
4)Gore-Ritos
3)Jeff Kraham Crackers
2)John Corn Rice Chex

AND THE #1 POLITICAL CANDIDATE I GOT CONFUSED WITH NON-PERISHABLE FOOD ITEMS

Hormel Chillery

TOP 5 MODERN AMENITIES THAT THE NEW JC POLICE STATION WILL OFFER THAT CURRENTLY AREN'T FOUND IN THE OLD STATION

5)bathroom
4)roof
3)heat
2)holding cup for Mayor Harry's teeth

AND THE #1 MODERN AMENITY THAT THE NEW JC POLICE STATION WILL OFFER THAT CURRENTLY ISN'T FOUND IN THE OLD STATION

An authenticated copy of a 100% passed Safety Inspection 

TOP 5 THINGS I’LL BE DOING NOW THAT I DIDN’T WIN THE MILLENNIUM MILLIONS

5)Go to the bosses office and find out what he thought of that little skit I did Friday when I pretend to quit my job
4)Tell my lobbyist, “never mind about buying Rick Lazio”
3)Send back the porche I was going to buy for Megan Baker
2)Sell all those Hillary signs

AND THE #1 THING I’LL BE DOING NOW THAT I DIDN’T WIN THE MILLENNIUM MILLIONS

Move out of my house and into a charming little camper parked at a supermarket down by the river!

MORE TOP 5 BOOKS YOU WON'T FIND ON THE SHELVES OF THE NEW BROOME COUNTY CENTRAL LIBRARY

5)Gingerbread Boy, Meet Mr. Oven
4)Senator Libous's 1001 Gourmet Uses for Steak Sauce
3)Hanna Barbara's Inside Scooby Doo: How Scrappy Doo Ruined Everything!!!
2)A Republican's Guide To Stealing Hillary Signs

AND THE #1 BOOK YOU WON'T FIND ON THE SHELVES OF THE NEW BROOME COUNTY CENTRAL LIBRARY

I'm Barney! I'm Purple! It's a Living Hell

TOP 5 THINGS I WOULD DO WITH $130 MILLION DOLLARS

5)Buy the Binghamton/Johnson City Sewage Plant and move it to New Jersey
4)Get my wife a Mastercard with a $131 million dollar limit
3)Return the Hillary signs
2)Go to Wegmans during Food-a-bago week and buy millions of Wegmans canned fruits and vegetables so that they'll donate the 3rd can to CHOW...then I'll buy Wegmans!!!

AND THE #1 THING I WOULD DO WITH $130 MILLION DOLLARS

Hire a real comedian to write this stuff

TOP 5 HALLOWEEN COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY LOCAL POLICE AGENCIES

5)Senator Libous was annoying trick-or-treaters by handing out his steak sauce again
4)Doug Drazen repeatedly ringing Mayor Bucci's doorbell then making a run for it
3)Somebody threw rotten eggs in Vestal, oh wait no...just the Sewage Plant again
2)Numerous Scary Toothless Jack-o-Lantern sightings in Johnson City turns out to be Mayor Harry Lewis forgetting to put in his teeth again

AND THE #1 HALLOWEEN COMPLAINT RECEIVED BY LOCAL POLICE AGENCIES

Somebody's locked down my strip bar and I can't get in to retrieve my drugs!!!

TOP 5 LOCAL CELEBRITY COSTUMES


5)Endicott Mayor Michael Collella as the "Phantom of the Golf Course"
4)TV 12s Greg Catlin as the "Stay Puff Marchmallow Man"
3)Fox 40s Mick Dwyer as the "Town Stud"
2)City of Binghamton Advocate Doug Drazen as "The Thing That Wouldn't Leave"

AND THE #1 LOCAL CELEBRITY COSTUME

Johnson City Mayor Harry Lewis as Dracula but he keeps forgetting to put in his fangs! 

TOP 5 ACTIVITIES AT BINGHAMTON CITY COUNCIL'S HALLOWEEN PARTY

5)Pin the tail on the Democrat
4)Wacket Mole
3)Denk Denk Goose
2)Let's play Hide and Seek with Doug Drazen then sneak out of the building while he's counting

AND THE #1 ACTIVITY AT BINGHAMTON CITY COUNCIL'S HALLOWEEN PARTY

Sit around the campfire and tell the scary tale of Mayor Bucci's 2001 budget proposal

TOP 5 WAYS TO SPOT A METS FAN


5)Telltale signs of handcuff marks and blades of grass keep falling out of their pockets
4)Gets overtly depressed at the mere mention of Buddy Bee
3)Gets overtly depressed while ordering a Piazza
2)While in trance-like state keeps mumbling "Sojo must die!"

AND THE #1 WAY TO SPOT A METS FAN

Mets losing the World Series is just another means of blaming Hillary!!!

TOP 5 REJECTED ITEMS FROM MAYOR BUCCI'S 2001 CITY BUDGET

5)Special funds allocating Jack Sheehan and Doug Drazens stars on the Walk of Fame
4)Extensive research to build a better padlock
3)Kick off every City Council Meeting with showtunes
2)Removal of garbage, check, removal of snow, check, removal of parts of the State Street Parking Garage lying in the adjoining alley, sorry next maybe next year

AND THE #1 REJECTED ITEM FROM MAYOR BUCCI'S 2001 CITY BUDGET

On Public Access Channel 6, provide a special closed caption service that translates City Council meetings to English

TOP 5 REJECTED ITEMS FOR THE 2000/2001 COUNTY BUDGET

Bumper cushions for the Kamakazi Curve
A nude Shakesperian Ampitheatre in the JC Circle
A taco stand next to the Binghamton/Johnson City Municipal Sewage Plant
A tax increase for Democrats named Kowalchek

AND THE #1 REJECTED ITEM FOR THE 2000/2001 COUNTY BUDGET

Nightly Performances of Live Death Metal Bands at the new County Library

TOP 5 MORE REJECTED BOOKS FROM THE NEW BROOME COUNTY PUBLIC CENTRAL LIBRARY

5)Assemblyman Jay Dinga's "My All-time Favorite Short Jokes"
4)Assemblyman Bob Warner's "My All-time Favorite Propane Jokes"
3)Mayor Bucci's "The Joy of Padlocks"
2)Governor Pataki's Autobiography "My life as a leader, statesmen and grotesquely overdeveloped ego-man!!!

AND THE #1 REJECTED BOOK FROM THE NEW BROOME COUNTY PUBLIC CENTRAL LIBRARY

CRACK, CRACK AND MORE CRACK in Binghamton...The Story of the Walls and Ceilings at the old Central Public Library

TOP 5 DOUG FLUTIE ENDORSEMENT DEALS

The Flutie Glutie Booty-buster
The Flutie Flutation Device
Flutie-Flux Welding
Thera-Flutie


AND THE #1 DOUG FLUTIE ENDORSEMENT DEAL

Flutie Pebbles

TOP 5 ARTISTS WHO WILL NOT BE NAMED AS A WHALE TRIPLE-PLAY

5)Arc Angel
4)Aldo Nova
3)Vanilla Fudge
2)Ram Jam

AND THE #1 ARTIST WHO WILL NOT BE NAMED AS A WHALE TRIPLE-PLAY

Thin Lizzy's drummers best friend who was a roadie for Brownsville Station while sharing a room with Tommy Tutone, T.Rex and Norman Greenbaum

TOP 5 REJECTED ITEMS FOR THE 2000/2001 COUNTY BUDGET

Bumper cushions for the Kamakazi Curve
A nude Shakesperian Ampitheatre in the JC Circle
A taco stand next to the Binghamton/Johnson City Municipal Sewage Plant
A tax increase for Democrats named Kowalchek

AND THE #1 REJECTED ITEM FOR THE 2000/2001 COUNTY BUDGET

Nightly Performances of Live Death Metal Bands at the new County Library

TOP 5 WAYS THE FRANKLIN POST OFFICE WILL BE CELEBRATING THEIR BICENTENNIAL

5)Postal Carrier 5K Chased By a Playful Pit Bull Fun Run
4)Collectors edition postage stamp with the likeness of Town historian Vern Taylor
3)Showing off the Antique Mail Wagon...oh wait that's one of the regular trucks
2)Snail Races

AND THE #1 WAY THE FRANKLIN POST OFFICE WILL BE CELEBRATING THEIR BICENTENNIEL

By finally delivering the stuff first mailed 200 years ago

TOP 5 THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR WITH TONIGHTS KILLER FROST

5)FOX 40 Weather Guy Mick Dwyer suddenly starts doubling up on the intake of anti-freeze
4)Route 17 construction workers begin using bright work lights as a heat lamp
3)Clinton and Lazio's relationship seems warm in comparison
2)Dead crows that didn't die because of the West Nile Virus

AND THE #1 THING TO LOOK OUT FOR WITH TONIGHTS KILLER FROST

Uh oh, must be another visit by the in-laws from Hell!!!

President Clinton has decided to release 30 million barrels from the nation's Strategic Petroleum Reserve. The President says that within the next couple of weeks, we should see prices coming down.

TOP 5 THINGS WE CAN NOW AFFORD WITH THE MONEY WE'LL SAVE FROM LOWERING OIL PRICES


5)Conklin Avenue and Harry L Drive commuters can now afford that front-end alignment.
4)Conklin Avenue and Harry L. Drive commuters can now afford to have those car parts left on the side of the road re-attached
3)Help Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton now that they will no longer advertise with soft-money
2)We can now make a downpayment on last winter's home heating bill!!!

AND THE #1 THING WE CAN NOW AFFORD WITH THE MONEY WE'LL SAVE FROM LOWERING OIL PRICES

Eat!!!

TOP 5 REJECTED GAME SUGGESTIONS FOR THE OLYMPICS

5)Jarts
4)Whack-a-mole
3)Parcheesi
2)Duck Duck Goose

AND THE #1 REJECTED GAME SUGGESTIONS FOR THE OLYMPICS

Chute and Ladders

State Parks and Campgrounds are going to be upgraded. Thanks to a $9.5 million state grant. Governor Pataki says the money from the Environmental Protections funding will go to projects ranging from improving public access to state forest preserves and trail construction.

TOP 5 REJECTED CAMPGROUND UPGRADES

5)Optional washer and dryer hookup
4)Presoaking kindlen in lighter fluid to help morons who don't know how to start a fire
3)Hey kids! It's your free souvenier Woodsey the Owl laser pointer
2)Unisex shower rooms

AND THE #1 REJECTED CAMPGROUND UPGRADE

Make room for more campers by cutting down those darn trees

The Harry Potter books have made a list of childrens books, adults most want removed from library shelves. Other books include Catcher in the Rye and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

THE TOP 5 BOOKS THAT PEOPLE WANT OFF THE SHELVES PERIOD!!!

5)History of the Binghamton/Johnson City Sewage Plant---A Scratch and Sniff Book
4)Mayor Bucci...the Spiedo Modelling Years
3)Curious George and the Unattended Running Lawn Mulcher
2)Venus Just Kicked Mars in Uranus

AND THE #1 BOOK THAT PEOPLE WANT OFF THE SHELVES PERIOD

The creation of the World as I remember it by Harry Lewis

TOP 5 OTHER PRODUCTS THAT ACME PEST CONTROL HAS OFFERED THE COMMUNITY

TOP 5 NEAR MISHAPS AT THE SENATOR LIBOUS STEAKROAST